Updated: May 9, 2022
Zoloft. Prozac. Wellbutrin. Cymbalta. Paxil. Lithium. Remeron. Effexor. Geodon. The list goes on.
Take this pill to bring you up. Take this pill to bring you down. This one helps boost the first one. That one relieves the side effects of the second one. All of them make you drowsy. Oh wait, here’s Adderall to keep you up for a few minutes.
Some moments I’m high. Some moments I’m crying. I shake all the time. I never sleep.
And here’s the best catch- this happens approximately every 6 weeks. Yes! It takes 6-8 weeks for a medication to kick in. And by that time you are heading back to the psychiatrist who will say, “How’s the medication working” Well Ma’am, it just kicked in 5 minutes ago…🤷🏽♀️ If you give any other answer besides ok, they will prescribe another medication and the cycle will begin again.
Yes. It makes my head hurt…. There is no one pill for every aspect of mental illness. I wish there was! One pill for bipolar disorder. One pill for anxiety. It would be great! My outpatient psychiatrist compared treatment to a car. I am a car on it’s last leg. Slowly chugging along. They need to find a med to bring me up to the speed limit. One med to bring me up. One med to keep me steady. One med to keep me from falling asleep at the wheel. One to wind me down at night. Aye Dios Mios!
But guess what? I’m at a stage in my illness where I can’t take the chance on not taking my meds. I’m addicted to wanting to feel better. And I’m not looking for euphoria. I just want to brush my teeth!! Alot of people are opposed to medication. I’ve heard loads of hurtful things about my need for them. Don’t let that stop you. As much as I hate all of the bullshit that comes along with this circle of madness, I like having a few hours, days, minutes, of feeling ok. Above water. Noone knows you and your life more than you. Do whatever is necessary to bring you to your happy place. For however long you can.