Mommy, I'm Sick
What followed was- tears, panic, numbness, fear, concern, anger, and fighting.
She’s always been very sensitive. Just like her mommy. From birth, we were connected to each other like glue. My mother said,(and still says) that I’m “abnormally” close to my kids. Is there such a thing?! I was in awe that I could create such beauty. I had spent most of my life convincing myself that nothing I did was special. But SHE was special!
Fast forward to the teen years, and I was convinced that someone swapped kids with me at the bus stop. Nothing either one of us did was right to the other. I was spiraling into the abyss. Slowly. But I was determined to hang on for my kids. She, I’m sure, was struggling with her own set of life changing issues. Daughter, big sister, friend, individual. We don’t give kids credit for the roles that they have taken on in their lives. She excelled at all of them.
I won’t say that I didn’t notice the signs. Social anxiety. Lack of concentration. Sleeping all of the time. Emotional swings. I had to literally carry her through her last year of high school. I tried not to show her how scared I was, but I was. I had no idea how to fix her. Shit, I had no idea how to fix me! One half of my heart was breaking before my eyes and I didn’t have the cure.
That Saturday she was in and out of sleep, I believe. I do remember her throwing up. I just assumed it was something she ate. I kept an eye on her. I was worried, but didn’t think it was serious. Little did I know that the bottom was about to fall out of my rockbottom.....
Please take a listen to the latest episode of BREAKING THE MASK OF DEPRESSION. My oldest daughter shares her brave and candid story about her experiences with mental illness and suicidal events.