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  • Writer's picturedivawdep

Silently Screaming

I had to have an emergency therapy session today. Something happened that sent me spiraling.

Since I've already been in a sinking ship phase, we couldn't take a chance on me not speaking to a professional. 😢

Do you know how you're sobbing and no sound can escape you ? That was me. Actually, that has been me for a few months.

I'm completely broken. And there are stories inside of me that may patch me up, but they are terrified to come to the surface.

Some stories I know and am too ashamed to speak them.

Some stories are lost deep inside the trauma filled little girl inside of me.

And no treatment or medication can convince her that it's safe to come out. 💔

But you know what I reflected on after the session?

I apologized several times for crying. I made sure that I didn't sob too loudly.

And that is a story right there.

I was always told- "shut up", "what the hell do you have to cry about", "you're so damn dramatic".

So I learned very early on to hide my tears. Silence the gut wrenching cries that I "earned" at the hands of people that were supposed to make sure I DIDN'T cry.

And here I am a grown woman and I'm still hiding my pain so I won't upset or offend my abusers.

I continue to sit in shame, hurt, and the filth of demons while they roam free on the earth and in heaven.

Millions of us don't look like what we feel like. There are so many of ME walking this earth trying not to stain anyone else.

All I can say is keep trying to fight. 💚

And to all of the others, be kind always. 🙏🏽

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