It was 3am. I was on tossturn number 300. I opened my phone and saw that the beautiful Regina King lost her beautiful prince.
I cried. Honestly, I bawled.
I sobbed as a mommy that has been in her shoes- parenting children with mental illnesses.
Then it was Mayor Kevin Ward.
Then it was Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst.
I paused and cried some more. 😢 I cried as a sister in the struggle for mental wellness.
The first thing everyone says is, "they had everything going for them!" As if this fucked up disease cares about accomplishments and goals. Hmph!
I, as I always do, started reading tiny excerpts from their lives.
Prince Alexander tweeted:
How many times have I said the same thing? Millions.
How many times has anyone really listened? Hmmm 🤔.
Then:
Sometime in the morning of her passing, Queen Kryst and I were both tweeting.
Hers:
Mine:
We didn't have the same outcome, but we were living the same lives.
High functioning depression.
Miss USA. A history making mayor. An amazing dj and artist. And me.
They were more accomplished than me in some areas. But we shared the same pain.
The difference is that they had the courage to make the ultimate sacrifice for peace and quiet.
Courage! I hear y'all screaming.
Yup.
Y'all are quick to tell folks how courageous it is to search for and find their peace. Does that change because you don't agree with the outcome?🤔
There are millions of us that think of this sacrifice 24/7. We can't share that because it makes others uncomfortable.
Well imagine how uncomfortable it was for these people to live in excruciating pain and not be able to fully express how they were feeling.
Imagine how I feel, living in soul crushing pain every day and not being able to share how I really feel because......(insert reasons)
We will never know what the final straw was for these new ancestors.
And I can't tell you if, or when, I may encounter my final straw.
I can tell you that Depression is a master of disguises. It can be pretty, successful, and hilarious.
But the darkness is ALWAYS there. Feeding us straws until we can't take any more.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- (800) 273-8255
Crisis Textline- Text HOME to 741741
You are never alone in this fight. Let's work together to save each other. 💚
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