How about I just did a church shout in my living room.(bum knees wouldn’t let me run.👩🏾🦳)
If you’ve read my blogs or have followed me for a while, you know that my childhood was full of dysfunction. I used to be proud to yell that I’ve been cooking since I was 7. Then one day I had to stop and think. Why was I REALLY cooking at 7 years old? 🤔 I’m blessed that this skill has blossomed into a business. But the truth is that I was doing too much at a young age. (cooking is actually the tip of the iceberg….)
I recently had surgery. Bum shoulder. I wasn’t fully prepared for how limited my mobility would be. Not driving and sitting still sounded good at that moment.
The last 2 weeks have been crushing for me. I can’t drive so I can’t run from my darkness. Again, good and bad. And the monster has been showing his FULL BARE ASS.
During therapy, I tried to address how I was feeling. It ended with me sobbing uncontrollably. I mean, I even scared myself.
Because it was at that moment that a truth popped up- I’ve lived my life pouring into others. For various reasons that I’m not emotionally ready to share.
And when I am at my semi lowest, that same energy isn’t there. And that broke my heart.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t
blame anyone. No one is at fault for not being, well, me. They’re not supposed to! But that doesn’t reduce the pain.
I never taught people how to treat me. I never taught people how to show up for me. I’ve always been the caretaker. Not everyone is built like that. And they are probably so used to that dynamic, that they don’t even know how to switch roles.
In the end, who takes care of the caretaker?
No one. And that is my reality and my fault.
People don’t check on their “strong” friends because they never learned how.
This is why during #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth I stress that abuse is NOT always physical and visible.
That many of us are wearing scars that are mistaken for strength and resilience.
It’s a myth.
Emotional and psychological abuse can’t be reset like my shoulder.
This is a boo-boo that bandaids can’t fix.
Listen to Lynn share her caregiver journey.
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